My Last Text Messages from Teri

Good news. On Sunday, I was relieved to finish my taxes ahead of schedule. Ahead of schedule the day before they’re due?? Yes. Usually, I do them the evening they are due, sometimes with ~10 minutes to spare. Not good.

When I woke up the next day, I realized that I needed to finish Teri’s taxes. Oops. Thankfully, her taxes are a lot easier and took about 15 minutes. I got those done early as well (Monday morning instead of Monday evening).

I think I was a great husband when it came to taxes and managing stuff that involves numbers. Teri didn't have to do anything. She didn't like dealing with taxes. I guess that's obvious. I don't think anyone likes dealing with taxes.

I needed her social security number at the end of the process. Every time I need this number, I search through our messages on Facebook Messenger since she sent it to me once, even though it’s in our password management system. Makes no sense why I do it this way. This led me to look through our facebook messenger history, so I spent quite a bit of time reading through them. It was a bit emotional to read, but brought me a lot of smiles and laughs. I wanted to share some of those messages here since I found reflecting on them to be insightful.

But wait... Am I Living in the Past??

Before I start, I wanted to pause and think about why I'm doing another trip down memory lane. Life is short and there's other things to do besides write about old messages. My answer is no. Why no? Well, earlier this week in our siblings chat, some old video games were mentioned. I bet you didn't know that every few years I have this random urge to play some of my favorite console and computer games from the past and beat them. Three of my favorites are:

• Final Fantasy I (NES)

• BattleTech: The Cresent Hawk's Revenge (MS-DOS)

• Chrono Trigger (SNES)

I've beaten these games maybe a dozen times in total. That's a lot, considering these games take 20-50 hours each.

Is it living in the past if you keep playing these games over and over? I don’t think so. There’s no shame in wanting to replay the classics versus moving onto today’s video games. In my opinion, most of these games were really challenging. I’m convinced many new kids would struggle with some of these classics.

I also love watching speed runs of the classics. We should watch some together if you're interested.

What’s also been on my mind regarding the idea of living in the past is really about Teri. Am I not moving forward with life when I take another post to write about stuff from the past?? For now, I’ll say the same thing I just said about video games: No. Everything is fine. I'm smiling and enjoying my Friday evening with this post and that's all that matters right now.

Having said that, let’s jump right into the topic of today: Highlights (and lowlights) from my last messages from Teri.

1/29/23: The "How we Love" Secure Connector Test

I’ve shared a handful of times that the “How We Love” seminar we took in late 2021 was a huge game changer for us. Teri made us practice the comfort circle every day, which drove me crazy at first but over time, helped me feel much more comfortable talking about feelings.

When our small group signed up for the class in 2023 (Teri and I would take it a second time), I was so proud of my test results when I retook the test. Of course, I sent it to her. She didn’t score as high as I did. Did the results matter? Of course not, she flat out said I wasn’t being honest. Oh well. It could be my self-awareness, or her being jealous of my progress.

Link is here if you want to take the test, then we can talk about it:

https://howwelove.com/secure-connector-quiz/

2/2/23: Photos of my mess

I’m obviously the best out of everyone I know when it comes to documentation, and why none of you need to worry about me writing my book by the end of the year. Posts like these help me with the process. Teri was good at documenting things too, like when I made a mess in the house. I guess I learned how to keep track of things from her. She always sent me photos. No fun when you get these photos and you're busy at work.

Sometimes I’d get lucky, and she would just clean up after me or just do the laundry. In this case, she just said “no.”

Pro tip: Slow down. Breathe. Relax. Put stuff away. Pay now or pay later.

2/10/23: Coming Home Late

It didn’t take long to see a handful of messages about coming home late from work. I'm sure there were dozens of these if I were to look through all our history. The night before she went to the hospital for the first time and found out about the cancer, we were supposed to have a date. I ended up coming home late, so we just stayed inside.

Today's Takeaway: Take your spouse or significant other a date! Like tomorrow. If you don't have one, just send me a message on facebook messenger and we can hang out.

3/23/23 - Message from Pastor Yohan

This was first meant to be funny since we have a running joke with our small group that I am always trying to get promoted at church since I’ve been at the bottom of the church org chart as I serve on the AV team as an "individual contributor."

Then I thought about how blessed we were to have such a strong church community around us through such a difficult time and the importance of having a Pastor or elder that you can call when you need something. I was encouraged because God really provided a lot of key people and continues to use my small group to encourage me. While I am the only single person in the group, I feel so loved by each of them. Sometimes we do “hard things” together, like when we volunteered at the OC Rescue Mission this past Sunday:

Speaking of volunteer events, I need help signing up for more. Let’s just say I probably struggled the most out of everyone while I was there. Not good. I didn’t want to be there, and sweeping floors was a lot more difficult than I thought. I don't like manual labor. The two hours at the center did NOT go by quickly, and what didn’t help was not being allowed to wear my watch.

You don't have to say anything. Teri would have given me a long lecture when we got home because of my attitude and signed us up to go back. She would have been smiling the whole time like she does when she served the kids at church. I guess that’s one benefit of her not being around, fewer lectures. Okay, not really. I’ll find more events to serve in, starting with VBS in a few months...

3/28/23: Our last last messages to each other

I saved the hardest one for last. I've thought at least a dozen times about her last last message to me, "Bwhere are yiu." She must have struggled writing that message she usually doesn't have typos. It was also another one of those times that she thought I was going to be back at the hospital sooner, but I was running behind schedule. This happened often.

My last message to her was a selfie of me and Mayo at home while she stayed in the hospital with her dad and sister. I really liked using our nicknames. I still say them almost every day since I talk to myself and Mayo quite often at home:

• Orwinburs

• Mayoburs

• Theriburs

How Did We Get These Nicknames?

It first started with her calling me "Orwin" versus Erwin:

I always made fun of Teri because of how she pronounced my name, Orwin. I said she did this because of her Georgia accent, even though she really didn’t have one. I thought it was really cute and it always made me happy when she purposely said Orwin.

When she wanted something from me, sometimes I'd make her say my nickname. I'm sure other couples do weird things like this and I can't be the only one.

Then she came up with “Musterburs” for Mustard. She had a lot of nicknames for him. I loved Musterburs the most it and kept insisting to everyone that we should make that his official name. Of course she said no. I even made the gift on Facebook Marketplace I posted about a while ago:

Then I came up with "burs" nicknames for all of us:

• Theriburs

• Orwinburs

• Mayoburs

• Musterburs

Okay, What’s the Point, Erwin??

Nothing really. Some obvious lessons, with the theme being that Teri put up with a lot of things I’m not so proud of. Every day I feel some guilt going into work since I desperately want to have the IT department be super organized and efficient but I can’t even walk around my garage since it’s such a disaster. I feel humbled every time I put these thoughts down, and humility is what I need to keep going. I have a lot to work on being single again, and hope to not think that a future spouse is how I’ll address these issues.

Great Insight. So how Are You Feeling, Right Now?

Thankful. Excited. Happy. Since Sunday, I’ve still been feeling pretty darn good with life. Even with another hectic work week, I would say that this past week was one of the best weeks I've had in months, feelings and mood wise. I think I am smiling a lot more. While I still have a ton of challenges ahead of me regarding my goals I wrote about for 2024. I’ll attribute the changes to:

• What I wrote about in the last post

• Reading the David Goggins Book again, Never Finished

• No online dating (best idea ever)

It could also be:

• Extra Bible reading (playing catch up)

• Exercising a lot more (going to F45 and using Class Pass)

• Sunny weather (I heard Vitamin D is important)

It doesn’t really matter that much. What also helps discovering this new habit tracking app called Cub: ADHD Planner & Organizer that helps people like me work on daily routines, focus, and habits.

Of course I’ve tried like five different habit apps, and they don’t really last for long. Let’s hope this isn’t the case. I think this one will work out well since I have to keep my Cub (I named Theriburs) happy by checking off habits. Then I can buy her stuff for her virtual room:

So in conclusion...

I think I feel a lot better now because I'm using an app to make sure I complete my most important daily habits every day so I can save up bamboo to buy my virtual Teri stuff for her house. That means I better sleep so I can wake up at 5AM (I get 10 bamboo for each habit I cross off). I look forward to showing updates to her house in future posts!

Discussion questions for the comments section:

• Did you have any favorite video games while growing up?

• Are there any volunteer events (besides VBS) I should consider checking out?

• Are there any daily habits or routines that have helped you recently?

Thank you for reading. Have a great weekend!

Orwin

No online dating...best goal ever!