Do Everything In Love

“Christian life is a journey toward love, growing in love, expanding in our ability to love, surrendering our hearts to love, increasingly becoming a person who is motivated by love.” ― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search

Happy Saturday everyone,

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend so far. Nice weather in SoCal. I went swimming in the ocean this afternoon, water was way cold but felt refreshing once I warmed up. Oh the joys of last minute training, story of my life....

I don't really have any 1:1's scheduled anytime soon so I wanna use the blog today as if I were hanging out with you and you were OK with just me sharing everything on my mind. And if you do make it to the end of this post and watch the videos, let me know, I'd be glad to treat you to lunch or dinner! Then you can do all the talking, lol....

I just came home from a very beautiful wedding for my dear friends Julian and Lauren:

Photos from the "unplugged" ceremony :)

I'll share on this later.

Before the wedding, I had a busy start, first rushing to run with Danelle in Tustin, then mountain biking with Larry in Yorba Linda, and then hurrying once more to meet Paula and Diana for brunch and a two-mile walk around the lake. These were all activities I really wanted to do, and I'm glad I did them all, though I wish I didn't have to rush. But everything worked out, like it always does.

6:30am - 5 Miles with Danelle

I met Danelle recently through Yoga Sculpt and find her so interesting and fun, particularly because she's my first female friend to use my cold plunge! She's crazy.

Here's a bit of her story... a spontaneous mini podcast episode we did a few weeks ago:

Danelle's leaving Tuesday. I'm really happy that she will start a new chapter in Hawaii!

Like running with Jeff, running with Danelle is always enjoyable because we have great conversations, ever since our first run at Mile Square Park. I often talk about Teri and the impact she's had on me. As everyone knows, I'll use any chance to discuss Teri, and when I run out of people, I'll turn to this blog :)

Danelle brought up attachment styles, which was one of Teri's favorite topics due to the "How We Love" class that significantly improved our marriage. That class provided me with a lot of hope, as before taking it, I felt like we weren't making much progress in our communication. Once we understood the "comfort circle" and practiced it enough, it became second nature to us. We still faced challenges occasionally, but I felt much more hopeful and optimistic moving forward.

Left: Teri reading her favorite book | Right: Photo of Teri at Khoa's house with the book that Teri gave her.

I would say that Teri became my true best friend around that time. She was the person I genuinely wanted to see all the time. Previously, I would get annoyed and discouraged because we argued a lot, and I was too exhausted to work on the relationship, especially after a long day at work.

My conversation with Danelle brought back the insights I gained from reading The Sacred Search. Having experienced a relationship with someone like Teri, I always feel compelled to share with everyone facing relationship challenges that it's not about who you date or marry, but why. Most of the time when your heart is already invested in someone, it's hard to turn back, especially if you are the "avoider" attachment style and don't want to have the difficult conversations.

I sincerely hope my friends and family don't have to learn the hard way, as I almost did, nearly facing divorce due to a misalignment in values, faith, and goals. As I've shared here a few times, things were quite difficult for Teri and me in late 2020, but by God's grace, we managed to stay together and reach a better place.

I miss you so much Teri and can't wait to see you in heaven :)

8:15am - 2 hour MTB with Larry

I had a great conversation with my "surrogate brother" Larry about how we both need to get serious about our long bike rides and diets. I'm glad I'm not the only one that can go crazy when unhealthy food is in front of me, lol...

This week, I've kind of let myself go again on the diet, feeling a bit down about my LA Marathon performance. While I'm grateful for the lessons I shared in my last post, I still really wish I had done much better. Life goes on...

Talking with him motivated me to take my triathlon training seriously again. Most people know I've been doing almost everything except triathlon training - yoga sculpt, HIIT classes, KPOP dance class, pure barre, etc. I enjoy doing those activities and meeting new people, but I also love being a triathlete and don't want another season filled with regrets because I couldn't stay focused. There's no real shortcut to being fast in this sport. You have to put in the hard work and remain consistent. Yoga sculpt can only do so much.

Sorry no pictures of Larry today, I don't bring my phone with me while biking.

10:45am - Brunch and walk around the lake with Diana and Paola

I met Diana and Paola through a time left dinner and having friends like them has made all the Time Left dinners totally worth it. I met them during my first dinner and think it was still the best Time Left dinner I've ever had (out of ~10 or so).

"New friends that feel like we're already besties" - Diana

This instagram story she posted in the second photo was the highlight of my day. And I get it. When you can meet up and just talk about all the important stuff and skip the small talk, you'll feel like you're besties. We touched on some very heavy things related to grief, my dad, aging parents in hospice, and of course, my challenges from taking a KPOP class:

Yes I get it, I need to practice and Teri is crazy to have married me.

Julian and Lauren's Wedding

Okay all of that took place by around noon!

Fortunately, I managed to arrive at the ceremony (1PM start) with a few minutes to spare. And breathe. My new favorite thing to do these days even though no one thinks I do this at all.... Pause and breathe.

When I've had a hectic week and weekend, I don't have to confront my emotions as much. I get a break from the emotional roller coaster that I still end up getting on when things slow down and no one is around. But you'd never know if I see you in person since I'm usually in a good mood when I see friends and family like you.

Approaching the two-year anniversary of Teri's passing, this has been the reality more than ever over the past month. There are many emotions, primarily sadness, that I prefer not to feel, so I keep myself occupied.

As I sat down at the Mariner's Chapel, I looked at the altar and it hit me. I was reminded of the last time I was here. It was for Teri's Celebration of Life service:

April 6, 2023 - Teri's Celebration of Life Service

Many people I saw at today's wedding also participated in Teri's service:

• Pastor Yohan officiated the wedding ceremony and also led Teri's service.

• Julian, Joria, and Lerieze were on stage. At Teri's service, Joria and Lerize led the worship, while Julian managed the AV.

• Tomorrow, I'll oversee AV for all three services. It's a Rooted celebration service, similar to the one I attended the morning Teri passed away.

• I sat next to Meli and Greg during the ceremony and reception. Meli spoke at the service. On a related note, this past week, I sold Teri's Mazda CX-5 to them. I couldn't think of a better family for Teri's car to go to.

Then the ceremony started. And it was so beautiful. I let go of focusing on myself, and just embraced the "unplugged" ceremony of two of my dear friends.

The sign "Do Everything in Love" made me really happy when walking in. It's really that simple. But what is love? This came up in a discussion with some friends a while ago. Here's one way to look at it:

Love is the deliberate act of valuing someone more than you value yourself. Love is the deliberate act of caring for, and listening to others. Love is wanting others to succeed, to be happy, healthy, successful and fulfilled. Love is a deliberate act of kindness, or compassion. Love is wanting to a make a difference in someone’s life, for their sake, not yours. God made us to love and to be loved. God loves us. Sometimes, we in the church don’t reflect God’s love as well as we should, but God is love. - Central Presbyterian Church

Reflecting on this busy yet fulfilling day, I'm reminded of how love manifests in various forms through friendships, conversations, and even in unexpected quiet moments when I find myself back on the emotional roller coaster.

Photo Booth Pics. Thinking about Teri at the wedding.

I felt lots of emotions towards the end of the wedding. Sad to be alone, walking around awkwardly around the wedding. Sad that the KPOP dance class reminded me that I have a long way to go with dancing. Thankfully the churro truck came just in time, can't go wrong with churros and ice cream after a long day :)

Okay it's bedtime.

I guess the point of the post today was what I said at the beginning, a way to just share what happened today since there was a lot.

I think the theme I'm getting at relates to the sign at Julian and Lauren's wedding Do Everything in Love. This serves a perfect reminder for me now. Love isn't always about grand gestures or significant events like at a wedding and doesn't even have to occur within a relationship. I want to make a difference, not for my own sake, but for others. This may even involve letting go of things and people and having the difficult conversations when needed.

I can truly enjoy 2025 by embracing singleness and being content with where God has placed me at this moment.

Sometimes, it comes through the support of friends like all the ones I've mentioned in this post and readers like you. They help me find the courage to keep going when life feels sad or overwhelming. Or sometimes I just need to take a moment for myself to pause and breathe. And pray:

I felt sad when I started this post. Now reflecting on everything, I'm so thankful for today. For the busyness and last minute triathlon training that kept me active, along with the moments of stillness that reconnected me with Teri.

If you've read this far, thank you for spending time with me here. And I really mean it, I’d love to share a meal with you and hear what's been on your mind.

Wishing you all a restful and a love-filled weekend! I'll be at all three church services tomorrow at Mariner's North Irvine in case you want to join me.

Blessings,

Erwin