40 Days Without My Dad

I can't believe it has been 40 days since my dad passed away. In some ways, it feels like a lifetime. In other ways, it still feels like yesterday.

I couldn't think of a better way to spend my morning than to remember him and his legacy. I'm thankful for all the photos:

Some of my favorite photos. All of them have a story behind them.

After hearing all the eulogies again, what stood out the most was how consistent the picture of my dad was. Everyone described him the same way—generous, hardworking, and fun. And yet, at the same time, I feel like I really missed out on really getting to know him at a much deeper level. I also wish we had more fun together. There was so much more to him than just taking care of him during my visits and buying him food at the grocery.

Celebration of Life Service - 1/28/25

I’ve been reflecting a lot on what I learned from my dad, both with my time here and through the people who knew him best. These came to mind:

• Dad showed love through action. He wasn’t always the most expressive with words. But no doubt he provided, sacrificed, and made sure we had everything we needed while growing up.

• He worked harder than anyone else I knew. It's quite overwhelming to think of how hard he worked in his 45+ year career. I'm only 40 and I get exhausted thinking about having to do a job like he did.

• He was very humble. He really could have spent a lot of time bragging about everything he's done in life. But he didn't. He loved hearing about my own stories and how I was doing, in a very genuine way.

Grief - Something I'll never figure out. And that's OK.

After over 22 months of losing Teri, I thought I understood grief. I put in quite a bit of time into sharing my story here and with friends and family. I thought I knew what loss felt like, how to process it, and how to move forward. But losing my dad has been a humble reminder that grief is never the same twice. And just when I think I’ve learned all there is to know about someone, I realize there was so much more I never fully understood.

Really taking the time to slow down and understand people has been a huge theme in my life lately. But I feel like it gets difficult to do this well when things get busy.

DADvice: With my Dad and I

The other day, I met someone at yoga class who just passed her board exam and wanted to be a surgeon. It reminded me of dad, and the advice he shared about being a doctor. I shared with her my podcast with him:

I really appreciate his honesty regarding his line of work. Usually you don't hear this from people, and I guess hearing this again gives me more appreciation for the friends and family that are doing similar work that he did. I'm also reminded again to not take both my health and work for granted.

It's OK to be misunderstood.

Reflecting on all of this, I really misunderstood him in so many ways.

The past 40 days have shown me that no matter how much we think we know someone, there’s always more to their story. I like carry versions of people like my dad in my heads—what they meant to us, what we understood about them, and what they need. But they are always more complex than we realize.

This is what I always feel about me. I still feel misunderstood, no matter how much I write here and how much I talk to my friends, family, and my therapist. And I guess that's OK. God knows me fully. And I have a lot of peace in that.

What's our Legacy?

Losing both Teri and my dad in such a short time has also made me think a lot about legacy. What really lasts after we’re gone? Just like Teri and all the stories I've shared here, dad left behind stories, lessons, and a family that carries his values forward.

This blog has always been a place where I try to make sense of life, loss, and everything in between. I started this blog thinking I understood my own story, thinking I knew what it all meant. But just like with Teri, and now with my dad, I realize that there will always be more to learn—about them, about myself, and about the people I think I already know.

I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to do with all of this yet besides keep sharing and hope I can impact others in a positive way. But I do know that, like him, I want to live in a way that reflects what matters most. I want to get better at slowing down, and developing even deeper relationships with my friends and family. I'm thankful for the opportunity to write here, and have readers like you that continue to love and support me through reading and interacting with me. Thank you. I love you all too.

Blessings,

Erwin